Sweet Escape

That long curly hair, FotorCreatedthe smell of salt carried by the sea breeze, the warmth of sun, the glittery sand, the sound of the waves crashing to the shore, the unstoppable laughter with friends —-I terribly miss them all. Looking forward for another beach afternoon escapade with awesome people.

Bucketlist

1. Learn how to swim
2. Go snorkelling  – June 7, 2013 (Camiguin Island)
3. Own a dog – April 17, 2013 (I named her Margaux)
4. Ride a zipline
5. Parasailing
6. Shoot a gun
7. Learn how to drive car – May 2014 (with Uncle Gilbert as mentor, drove C3 Road from Steeltown upto Tipanoy, I felt so free! Haha)
8. Learn how to drive a motorbike
9. Own and learn to play the violin – May 2009 (RTC Learning Center)
10. Learn to play the drums
11. Win a videography contest – July 21, 2012 1st Place, IMCC Palakasak MTV Contest
12. Go on a solo out of town trip
13. Horseback riding
14. Drive around the city
15. Visit Japan
16. Have a picture taken with a thousand sunny boat
17. Be on national TV – February 2014 (The Ryzza Mae Show)
18. Buy my own motorbike
19. Smart phone – February 2014 , Samsung S3 Mini (Quezon City)
20. See a tarsier
21. Scuba diving
22. Dive off from a cliff
23. Feed a monkey
24. Buy a guitar
25. Learn the guitar
26. Own a condenser microphone – October 10, 2015 (Mom bought me a Behringer C1-U Home Studio Microphone)
27. Make a song cover in full band with me doing all the instruments and vocals
28. Go to Greece and walk the long long stair of Santurini
29. Go on a landtrip from Manila to Mindanao
30. Ride Six Flags’s Zumajaru
31. Ride Dubai’s Ferrari Roller coaster
32. Picture taking with a snake around the neck
33. Make a beautiful painting. Haha
33. Swim with dolphins
34. Build a snowman
35. Fly a plane
36. Euro-bungee
37. ATV Driving
38. Watch a Sara Bareilles concert
39. Hot air balloon ride
40. Hellicopter ride
41. Sky diving
42. Ride an Elephant
43. Vacation on one asian country
44. Banana boat
45. Jetski
46. Sing in CCP (Cultural Center of the Philippines)
47. Walk in the streets of Manhattan
48. Bike around Central Park, New York
49. Go on a ladies getaway trip – November 1-2, 2014 (Puerto Galera)
50. Try surf boarding
51. Give flowers to a stranger
52. Watch a movie in imax alone
53. Eat a box of 11inch pizza
54. Work out for weight goal of 56kg
55. Hair dye aside from shades of brown
56. Try wasabe
57. Eat 2 slices century egg

A letter to Myself

Dearest Raisa,

Hi! How are you right now? I am sure you are not okay but I hope you feel better than the first time you heard the bad news. First, I would like to congratulate you for being alive today and trying to keep your sanity even though it has left you at times. At least, you tried borrowing from your friends’ sanity when yours are on siege. Didn’t you realize that it’s past a month and you’re still here and breathing? You are still able to work, eat, walk, talk with people though it’s kinda tough for you. But I am glad you’re trying your best to be strong. I know you have that weak monster inside that can eat you anytime, which can lead you to suicidal thoughts which invaded your mind many times and had one attempt a month ago. As your friend says, you should be ashamed of God and of yourself if you do it again, ok?

 

I know this was never easy for you. I know you never thought this could happen though you’re considering it at some part of your brain but you never thought it’s going to be this soon. He was your first love and you wanted him to be your last. Both of you tried to build your future together but some things just could not work anymore. Right now, you wake up every morning in a terrible nightmare of the fact that things just can’t go on like before. That you have to let him go. Just remember  quote you once read, “If you let go of something, and it comes back to you, it’s for you.” but never expect for it to come back, it’s way better if you get surprised one day that it came back rather than waiting when it’ll get back to you when it really won’t. According from a movie “Yang hope na yan, lason yan” (That hope [of you and him getting back] is a poison). At this point in your life, you are so desperate to get the hell out of the pain you are feeling right now. But I am proud of you for having to research well what to do, and for being open-minded.

As of this time, I would like to remind you to be strong. You’re life should go on without him. You are a strong woman right? You can do this, ok? Remember, sadness is not going to accompany you forever. THIS IS TEMPORARY. Put that in your mind and never forget it. Every time you feel tired, sad, lonely, or inferior, always remind yourself that you are a precious daughter of God and you are of great worth in his eyes. Just trust him always, never forget to pray. His timing is perfect, as well as his plans.

Now, I know you’re having trouble of self-esteem right now though many people see you as one talented person. Listen to them, do not reject their comments because they see your potentials. You can sing, play the piano, violin, and drums. See? that’s just one part of you! You have leadership skills, you are intelligent (you excel well in academics), you are friendly, you can be a party organizer, you can bake and cook well, you’re a fast learner, you are a teacher and motivator, you are outgoing, you are an amateur videographer, you can put your own make-up for formal events, you’re tall and beautiful with good skin tone, you are healthy, you are blessed. Those are just few of who you really are, there are a lot more of good of you.

Okay. At this moment, you have to stick on your “to do list” to move on. Do what you have researched and heard from friends’ experiences. Drew out strength out of them. Make them your inspiration. If you are not done with grieving yet, just grieve until you’re done with it. Then make the following steps you found to keep going: (from:http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/02/18/10-tips-to-mend-a-broken-heart/)

1. Go through it, not around it.

2. Detach and revel in your independence again

3. List your strengths.

4. Allow some fantasizing.

5. Help someone else.

6. Laugh. And cry.

7. Make a good and bad list.

8. Work it out.

9. Create a new world.

10. Find hope.

And remember to love again…

Once our hearts are bruised and burned from a relationship that ended, we have two options: we can close off pieces of our heart so that one day no one will be able to get inside. Or we can love again. Deeply, just as intensely as we did before. Henri Nouwen urges to love again because the heart only expands with the love we are able to pour forth. He writes:

The more you have loved and have allowed yourself to suffer because of your love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper. When your love is truly giving and receiving, those whom you love will not leave your heart even when they depart from you. The pain of rejection, absence, and death can become fruitful. Yes, as you love deeply the ground of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the abundance of the fruit it will bear.

 

Someday, you will get through all of this and you’ll just laugh at it. Never be defeated by the negative vibes. Keep the faith alive. Pray, be patient, be strong, and keep doing good to people around you. You will be okay, soon.

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A Birthday Message

Right now, I know we are living in our separate lives. But no matter how we ended up, I still thank God for giving me such a wonderful person like you. Yes, you are wonderful despite of your flaws. We are not perfect and we will never be. You may not see yourself as how I see you but to me you are a beautiful person. Thank you for giving me a chance to be a part of your simple and beautiful life. Thank you for making me really happy like no one else could do. I am sorry for the times that I demanded so much from you. I know your love language is different from what I imagined but I know you are trying. Thank you for all those times you were with me at my best and worst. The relationship we had was so special, it was one of a kind. I learned so many great lessons from it. Thank you for being so patient with all the complications we had. I am so grateful for the almost 6 years of meaningful and happy friendship. We may have experienced some pain all through out the process but in the end, we still manage to forgive each other and smile and hug. To some people, I may sound pathetic, but to me this is my way of thanking you for everything you did for me and for yourself too. I’ve seen you grow from the old you and I am very happy about that. I know someday we may lose our communication for some reason we still don’t know yet, but for me, you will always be special. May you and your family be abundantly blessed always. Happy 25th Birthday my tandem– Ace.

-This was supposed to be published on November 17, 2013 🙂

 

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